Four Years of Suffering
by MissA540
Summary: Bella was left behind. Four years later, she is in college in Alaska. She finds a person from her past there. Can she forgive? Four months she might have, but four years? She is broken and bleeding. One-shot


**Okay, so I am going to update Mike's Day, but I had a dream, (Which sounds really hoky, I know) and this happened in it, and it was like I have to write it! I know a lot of people have done this, but I think that this one is really good if I do say so myself. Enjoy, and drop me a line. You can even if you didn't make an account. So please, do it!**

I'm still in pain.

A lot of it.

It has been four years since he left, and I am still in as much pain as when he left me in the forest.

My heart hurts, and has been jaded.

I went to college, in Alaska.

Just like we were planning before he left.

I'm trying to move on, but he is making it very difficult.

I haven't gone on a date since him.

I still hurt, still cry myself to sleep.

I'm thinking of this inside a little shop, next to the river.

It only has souvenir stuff, but some of it is interesting.

You never know. It is actually really boring, but it still hurts.

Those gossip pages even hurt now, you know, the ones that say "Found Vampire Bones Inside Dangerous Maze! Full Story Inside."

Whenever I saw a vampire, on Halloween or otherwise, I started to feel swelling in my throat.

I don't know why he left me.

Oh right. He said that he didn't love me.

Which hurts even more.

Near the river is a little café.

I need to work on the story for Macbeth.

"Would you like _anything_?" A sleazy, post adolescent boy said, leering at me.

"Yes. I would like a croissant, and a coffee. Black please." I said, letting the contempt and scathing show.

"Okay." He said quickly, letting me have my space back.

Inside my planner, I saw that the due date was sooner than I realized.

I'll have to finish it when I get home.

I looked up, and saw a familiar blond looking at me.

I ducked down before he could see anything.

Where do I know him?

Ha.

I knew him from a time long ago that I thought that he cared about me.

That he wouldn't leave me to rot.

Jasper was staring at me.

I got my coffee, and rushed out of there before he could acknowledge me.

I opened up my car, a truck, though I have a different truck now. Slightly younger, but still with a lot of qualities that I liked.

As I fumbled with my keys I heard him approach.

Crap.

"Bella?" he asked, incredulous.

"Jasper," I said.

I went into my car and left him in the dust.

Why?

Why did he keep doing this?

I keep getting reminders of him.

I felt like he was near.

Ah well.

He doesn't care about me.

I went home to the place I shared with my slightly crazy friend Clara.

I took up karate after I told her what happened in Port Angeles.

"Well," she said, sipping some of her coke in a wine glass, "You could do something with sports or something to make you less clumsy. You also would be able to take care of those wackos."

I took her words to heart, and now I am a black belt.

It was a distraction.

I didn't really care about it, but it helped distract me from the agony.

As I worked out, and tried some new moves, I heard her come in.

"What happened?"She asked.

Crap.

"I saw," bam, bam, "A person," crack, pow, "That I knew from before."

I saw that my bag was in danger of ripping and stopped. I can't afford to replace another punching bag.

"Wow." She said, looking at me with sympathy. "That must be hard."

"Umhmm…" I said, breathing heavily.

"What did you do?" she pressed.

I tried not to get angry at her. She just is honestly curious.

"He said my name, I said his, and then I drove off." I answered.

"Do you think _he's_ in the area then?" she asked.

"I hope not," I said. "I won't deal with that heartbreak again."

Jasper POV

I know that the family thinks I have self control, but this is ridiculous!

Taking me to a place where many college students talked and laughed to each other?

Crazy.

I don't even drink coffee!

I looked around impassively, interrupting several girls who were giggling and whispering about me.

It will never get old, will it?

I continued looking around, using scents and the auras of how the people were today.

I felt mostly happy, excited, and nervous, but then I caught a peculiar one.

It was… agony. But not just that. It was empty past all the sadness and pain that whoever it was was feeling.

I looked towards it, and met a curtain of long brown hair.

She looked up at me.

I started.

It was Bella.

What did we do to her?

She looked down and got her coffee? Bella doesn't drink coffee!

She went to her car.

Not as bad as her old monstrosity, but bad enough.

I went up to her as she started to fumble with her keys.

"Bella?" I asked, still unable to believe that she was here.

"Hello, Jasper," She said.

Holy ----!

Her face is empty.

No emotion, whatsoever.

Wait, that isn't entirely true.

You can see one thing in there.

Agony. Pain. Suffering. Sadness.

Which our family had done.

What happened?

What did she do to deserve this?

She went into the truck bed.

And drove away.

I went into the car and started speeding towards our home.

My cell rang.

"Jasper?" Alice's tinny voice said from the phone.

"Yeah?" I asked her. My speedometer almost read 130.

"Is she really that bad?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Yes." I said sadly. "She is."

"She is worse than Edward!" Alice proclaimed, dry sobs erupting every now and then.

"Way worse. When I read her Alice, all I felt was agony. Besides that there was nothing. Not even the slightest sign of being alive. She was… Empty. I can still feel many more things on Edward." I said.

"We need to tell him." She said.

"I know."

"I never saw this coming." She told me.

"I was sure you wouldn't have." I said.

As I went into the yard of our new house, I felt concern echoing from everyone.

Edward wasn't here right now.

That is either really good, or really bad.

"Jasper." Carlisle said, looking at my eyes in concern. "Did you slip?"

"No," I answered. Everyone was here except Edward. "Something more terrible happened."

"He, he saw, Bella." Alice said.

Everybody now was surprised, scared, and concerned.

"What happened, Jasper?" Esme asked me.

I told them.

Edward POV

For vampires, pain never dulled.

So even after four years, I still felt like it was yesterday.

I feel cold.

I'm a monster.

I felt envy for Bella.

By now, she would have had finished high school, and she must be in college.

She might have a boyfriend.

She is happy.

She might have forgotten me.

I feel pain so much more than she can.

I feel the family searching for me.

I went out to greet them.

…_Poor dear…._

…_.He is so self absorbed…._

…_.This sucks…._

…_.he looks really bad…._

…_. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…._

…_How do we tell him?..._

"Why," I asked confused, "Does everyone have that confusing mess in their heads?"

Jasper thought of something so quickly, that I almost didn't catch it.

But I did.

And it was agonizing.

…_Empty. Absolutely empty…._

…_.Hello, Jasper…_

…_.Pain. Agony. Suffering…_

… "_looks worse than Edward"…._

…_.No emotions at all…._

…_.A shell…._

"No. Nonononononono! No! That is why I left! She's still in pain? I need to go to her." I said, turning around towards my Volvo.

I never washed the Volvo's insides.

They still smell of her.

"Edward, you can't-"

…_he is so conceited. He thinks that if she is not a vampire, she can't feel pain like you can? He is no better than the people that raped me so many years ago. He has to beg for her forgiveness…._

What Rosalie said was true. I was conceited. No better than the people who did the unspeakable to Rosalie.

I promised her that I would protect her from the world, a tree shading a delicate bird from the elements. I was her home, and I ripped it up.

I went to the coffee shop and caught her scent.

It didn't tempt me anymore.

I followed it to a bunch of apartment buildings.

I pulled up and smelled again.

She had walked past apartments 4A, 4B, 4C… she lives in apartment 4D.

I went over to there and listened.

I heard the sounds of human flesh against fabric.

What are they doing in there?

I rang the doorbell.

And she opened it.

Bella POV

I was finishing up my routine when I heard a knock on the door.

Clara knew I would get it.

I always did during a workout.

I opened the door, and he was there.

Edward.

I felt whole again.

Just breathing his scent in.

NO.

I can't.

He hurt me too much to do that.

He just looked at me.

I opened my mouth like a fish, then whirled around and slammed the door shut.

I will not forgive.

I will not.

Day's Later

I heard a noise, that I hadn't heard in a long time.

Sobbing.

I was crying while I was laying on the carpet in front of the door.

Why?

Everything was reminding me of him today.

I needed to have space.

I thought that he was my soul mate.

He left.

I heard a thump on the other side of the door frame as he sat down.

"Are you happy?" He asked. "If so I will just leave."

Stalker. Why was he still here? I haven't gone out of the apartment for a week and a half.

"Why do you care?" I sobbed at him, knowing that he could hear.

"I still love you." He said.

"Then why did you leave me?" I asked, doubt coloring my tone.

"Because, it was too dangerous for you to be around me. I thought that if I left, then you could have a happy, risk free life." He said.

"Really. Risk free. Uh huh. Did you know, I was in the hospital for three months because Victoria had come back and tried to kill me? She realized halfway through that I didn't really mean much to you, because she left me alive." I said.

I heard him gasp.

"Bella?" he asked. "Please tell me that you were just joking."

"No." I said. "I have scars if you want to see them."

"My god." He breathed.

"So just go away, okay? You aren't welcome here." I told him.

_More Days Pass_

I've been hearing him talking for days. I let myself hope now.

But I'm still not sure.

Not sure at all.

"I think I'll let you in now." I said.

"If, if you still want me." He asked, disbelief in his tone.

"I will, always. Just never do that again, okay?" I said.

"I will earn your trust back somehow." He murmured.

"And," I said. " I still want you to change me."

"I think, that that is the only way to keep you safe. I can see now that you want to be with me, and I will not cause us that discomfort again. Especially because you felt more pain then I can ever imagine a human could." He said.

I opened the door, and he took me into his arms.

"I remember this," I said, giggling.

"And weren't you much clumsier?" he asked me.

"I took karate. I'm a black belt now." I told him.

"Why?" he asked me.

"Well, another gang almost took advantage of me in another alleyway, but you weren't there to save me," I told him. His eyes turned black with anger. "I had pepperspray though, and I did them all in the eyes. Then I went to the police and took them back there." I told him.

"That's good." He said. "I still might have to kill them though."

I laughed and went into his arms.

This is how it is supposed to be.

**** Epilogue ****

I reached over to the side of the bed and felt some hair.

"Good morning Edward." I said, teasing him.

"The dead don't technically have mornings, because we don't sleep." He answered me.

"The sun is rising in the eastward direction, so I do think that it is morning." I said.

I had been turned into a vampire a couple of months before.

I had found my gift, a mental shield that I could use to protect my family when it is needed.

I loved being a vampire.

It is how it is supposed to be now.

**So? How did you like it? Tell me if it made you laugh or cry. Just press the button please! I love you all!**


End file.
